Change of plans, everyone! The flow of life is taking over!

These days, a change of plans is enough to make any of us fly off the handle. We make these little plans and designs each day, expecting them to carry out, only to find life has other plans for us. We become frustrated, angry, and confused because we begin to think life is out to get us OR if we believe in a higher power, we believe it is out to get us too. Consider this: Have you ever thought that you can only control the actions you take and life controls the outcome? Detaching from any outcome you’ve set in stone in your mind will allow you to fall into a peaceful flow of life as you experience a change in plans each day. None of us truly knows the exact outcome of anything at all. We can make guesses of course, but we can never be 100% sure of anything. There are powerful solutions that can help assist you in letting go of your perfectly written out self-will blueprint which are:

1. DETACHING FROM EXPECTATIONS
2. LETTING GO OF THE RELENTLESS TAPE THAT PLAYS IN YOUR MIND THAT SAYS, “THIS IS HOW IT SHOULD BE”
3. ACCEPTANCE OF LIFE GOING IN A DIFFERENT DIRECTION
4. BECOME WILLING TO LET GO OF CONTROLLING THE OUTCOME

The ways to practice each of these would be:

1. Detaching means to cut ties without any negative feelings. Cutting the cord with expectations will free you from having to form resentment at life or at anyone around you. This will allow you to walk a free man/woman.
2. The tape “This is how it should be” can easily be replaced with, “I hope for this outcome to happen, but whatever the outcome is, I know it’s for a very good reason.”
3. Understanding that life could go any direction at any given moment is VITAL for true contentment within. Stability on the inside will create acceptance and mindfulness of change on the outside.
4. Becoming willing to let go of controlling the outcomes allows you to experience a much fuller and richer life. It’s an invitation for miracles to plant their seeds and give you a life you could have never imagined.

“Going with the flow” of life will wake up a new freedom within you that you may have never experienced it before. It’s worth a try!

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When the Spirit is ready, The Teacher Will Appear!

Awakening can have several different meanings. It can mean a new beginning, birth, rebirth, or a significant event that offers new insight. This magical word, awakening, creates significant realization that human beings need to continue on the road of self-discovery.

There are multiple layers to self-discovery, so when one awakens, this is but the beginning. There is NEVER one complete awakening a human being will experience in a lifetime. The spirit offers multiple layers that will be discovered in life by keeping an open mind and remaining willing to grow along spiritual terms (whatever your spiritual choice may be).

There is a great mystery that comes along with personal awakening. Someone could tell you your entire life that the path you are choosing will lead to devastation and self-destruction. You remain deaf to this feedback and continue on your journey. 10 years later you sit on the bathroom floor, back pressed against the door, cold tile creating anxiety against your legs, and you wonder how you got to this point. You decide to take a walk to shake this relentless anxiety, yet it stampedes through your chest, spiraling down to create a shattered spirit. You have a seat on that ancient park bench you went to growing up, every time you were lost and confused. Only this time, there was someone else sitting on the bench. A woman in her late 40’s, strawberry blonde hair, draped across her right shoulder, gives you a welcoming smile almost insisting you sit. You never had seen her before, knew nothing of the life she lived, or where she was from. She was just there, for some reason, at that exact moment. This stranger, little did you know, would be the messenger to awaken a part of you that had been asleep for so long. You shared your troubles and she interrupted you:

“The path you are choosing will continue leading you to devastation and self-destruction.” This was the exact moment chosen for your spirit to awaken from this particular slumber. A light was now shed on the truth about you. Asking questions such as, “Did the egg come before the chicken or did the chicken come before the egg” is pointless due to the fact us humans will never truly understand how life unfolds. What our job is is to be awake to all of life, so we are more susceptible to having these experiences. As you keep your mind open, your internal alarm clock will sound, and the spirit will awaken.

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Do you feel as though you’re gaining a sense of power as you judge another person, place, thing, or your very own thoughts and feelings? If the answer is yes, I want to help you consider why you may be falsely informed and how you may be suffering consequences as a result of this. False power seems to be the master masquerade, covering up the more important type of power; Empowerment. Judgment’s job is to create a fear-based mask that is unwilling to challenge your own personal scaring or unconscious beliefs.

The difference between empowerment and false power is that empowerment awakens the intuition and false power feeds the ego. As a result of the judgment, whatever form it may take, your journey in life will not only become confusing, but you may experience a possible disconnect from your soul purpose here. I want to challenge you for a moment and ask you why you have certain judgments currently or previously? For myself, personally, judgment derives from fear. And fear breed’s threats that may be fancied or real. Due to this thinking and feeling of fear, this will lead to a shift in your brain function, which leads to change in your behavior, and the end result leads to deflection of any type-in this case it is Judgment, a seemingly protective shield.

Asking yourself these questions may also be useful in severing your relationship with judgment:

• “Have I experienced what this person has been through? Do I have all of the facts? Is it really any of my business?”
• “Have I experienced what this person has and I just judge because I am afraid to face this part of me?”

Considering these thoughts can help assist in removing the ego, and will open the door for intuition to walk in. Creating awareness around this subject will offer you a chance at keeping an open mind and potentially lead to more self-compassion and compassion for others on their life journey.

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Procrastination is so easy! “I’ll do it tomorrow.” “Oh, her birthday is Tuesday, so I’ll pick something up before the party.” “I’ve been late on my Verizon bill before, so I can just do a payment plan. They will understand.” What we don’t realize is as we are floating in the comfortable clouds of procrastination, we are not at all firmly planted to the ground, in the moment, where tasks can be completed. There is a significant difference between “pre-planning” and “future tripping,” Pre-planning is lining up specific tasks to complete, in order, to help obtain goals, remember significant events, or to allow us to complete all tasks that we committed to finishing. Future tripping is jumping in that little time machine and traveling to some far off place where we pretend to foretell the future.

It can be extremely frustrating falling out of your time machine and to land into the pits of procrastination. Once you’re behind, justification as to why you are behind is the stamp of approval that supports procrastination. If any of you are reading this and hoping for a positive resolution on how to climb out of the procrastination pit, this article is for you! Action is required in learning to tackle each task at hand. First, you must identify why you get behind and what was your reasoning behind the procrastination? Often times, the emotional part of your brain can rudely interrupt the logical part, and the mind-maze begins! Secondly, prioritize. Prioritize by making lists. Making lists (whether it is on paper, iPhone, computer, etc.) has been proven to increase productivity in people’s lives, which has led to positive self-esteem! Notice how your self-esteem takes a hit every time you put something off that you know deep down needs to be completed right away? Divide and conquer in a way that best suits your type of thinking. Human beings can only complete so much in one day- so, do your “have to dos” first! Deciding how many hours a day certain tasks will take will help prioritize your days in a way where you wont feel completely stressed to the max. “Do the next right thing” is a cliché for a reason.

It has been proven to assist people in being productive each day in their lives. As a result of being productive consistently, you will get to experience the true essence of the present moment and it will begin to become a daily habit!

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“It’s not about perfect. It is about effort. And when you bring that effort every single day, that’s where transformation happens. That’s how change occurs.”

-Jillian Michaels

Transformation is a process. As human beings, we can get so caught up in wanting to be at a destination, that we forget about the journey. The journey is being, living, and breathing in the present moment. “Future tripping”, or projecting what will happen in the days to come, is the quickest way to sabotage the transformation process. Transformation takes form on its own, naturally, when human beings can stop resisting change and start accepting the fact that they CANNOT control the outcomes in their lives. An often-overlooked hidden gem, which is a direct link to accepting transformation, is acknowledging the present moment and not judging it.

Transformation will require mistakes and stumbling on occasion, but this can be used as an opportunity to grow and to gain a positive outlook on making healthy adjustments to ones life. Adjusting is not always comfortable, but nothing can be truly appreciated without experiencing the essence of hard work.

As you make healthy adjustments, such as changing your diet, minimizing frivolous spending, or discontinuation of tobacco consumption, you start to see that other doors open, where they once closed. As we allow ourselves to discard old habits and behaviors, we can start to watch this miracle of evolution take place right before us. This miracle seems to prove that transformation truly is the breeder of faith!

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The only prison I know that has the lock on the inside is a human being. Did you know you have access to internal freedom? You become so used to being a prisoner of fear that you cannot even begin to imagine the possibilities that take form beyond the mental prison. The key that has the ability to set free a prisoner of self is gratitude.

“Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos to order, confusion to clarity. It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend. Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today, and creates a vision for tomorrow.”
-Melody Beattie

The only thing that will ever get in the way of living a grateful life is yourself and giving people the power to stand in the way. I have witnessed a young man that had lost his legs and bound to a wheel chair, with one of the most jovial smiles I’ve come to witness. I have witnessed a gentlemen with a $2,000 suit on, riches galore, popular in his community, however, he has a struggle with what he has being “enough.” During life, we are offered opportunities to grow if we chose to view it from this standpoint. If we do not seek out gratitude itself, it will always seek you. Human beings have an internal ache that they are confused by and believe it’s an external solution to fill this particular void.

When we are resistant to grow, the spirit screams for a release-“If I only have more money, then I could be the most successful man in this city. If my wife would just get off my back about working so much, I would be a much happier man.” The difference between the young man in the wheelchair and the businessman is clear as day! The young man has realized his life could be worse and he could also have lost his ability to see, hear, and smell. The gift to view a beautiful sunset, to hear the music that makes his soul dance, to smell bacon cooking on a Saturday morning, was more than enough for him, which removed his thoughts of “If I only had legs.” He chose to look at his devastating experience, losing his legs, as a lesson in humility, not humiliation. The businessman was looking to the exterior to fulfill an internal mission- a mission to discover gratitude. Little did the businessman know instead of seeking it was his mission to create and act in gratitude. If one is not satisfied with what he has, then he surely will never be satisfied with more!

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An “attitude of gratitude” can change your entire perception of life. Acting our way into better thinking allows us not to get wrapped up and so consumed in self. It is a constant practice to apply gratitude in this thing called life. The keyword is PRACTICE. Selfishness and self-centeredness is human nature, but this does not mean you aren’t a grateful person. It simply means that taking actions and showing gratitude will alleviate some of that self-centered, ego driven lifestyle, and allow a new freedom to flow into your spirit. People cannot control the outcome of life, but they can control their attitudes, outlook, and actions. Showing appreciation is not always easy because there is a disconnect often created by human beings due to getting caught up in their everyday lives.

Consciousness becomes the moral compass that will always guide you back to being grateful and expressing this in your life. When you receive a gift from a close friend or you get a phone call from an old high school friend, how often is it that you express your gratitude and pass on what was so freely given to you? Becoming conscious of the fact you may not be applying gratitude in action is not a “bad” thing. Drop the negative label- this is an opportunity to create a new, positive, outlook on life, and use it as an opportunity to live in gratitude.

Ready, set, and….GRATITUDE IN ACTION!

Take a few moments a day to slow down, practice mindfulness and think of the people, places, and things you are grateful for and how you intend to show your gratitude and appreciation. As we are so busy at times searching desperately on the outside to fill particular voids, the answer is within oneself and giving freely to those around him. It is in the giving that you find a genuine connection with gratitude.

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Boundaries in recovery help a person safeguard his sobriety. Boundaries are life-enhancing structures. They are borders and signs put up by a person in an effort to own and protect his life, make wise choices and do what is right for him.

Boundaries in recovery are simply yes’s that allow beneficial things and people to be allowed into one’s life; and they are no’s that do not allow unhealthy things and people into one’s life. Some boundaries are flexible and some are absolutely rigid. Without boundaries there is disorder, uncertainty and stress.

What Boundaries Are and Are Not

Boundaries are essential in all facets of life. Every person has an innate right to put up boundaries. Boundaries promote inner peace, safety, confidence, expression, exploration and the formation of healthy relationships.

Boundaries serve many functions:

• They confirm and promote one’s existence, identity and true nature.
• They attract respectful relationships because a person who has healthy boundaries is able to spot healthy boundaries in others. This increases one’s odds of forming positive relationships.
• They bring order to all of the people, demands, ideas, beliefs, responsibilities, pleasures, activities, etc, that a person encounters in a lifetime.
• They preserve one’s purpose and mission and keep the person on course through his lifetime.
• They protect one from the control of others.
• They protect personal assets such as knowledge, body, skills, purpose, mission and abilities.
• They protect one from harmful people, beliefs, habits and situations.
• They speak for the person who owns the boundaries. One’s boundaries send an unspoken message to others of what he is and is not about.

Boundaries are not:

• A guarantee that one will have complete control over his life.
• A guarantee that one will never be taken advantage of or hurt.
• A reason not to give people second chances.
• A reason not to sacrifice.
• A reason not to take a risk on someone or something.
• A contract or rules that will be respected by everyone.
• An excuse to be rude, selfish, arrogant, irresponsible, superior or unhelpful.

Summary: Boundaries in Recovery are Important

A person who values himself will naturally erect healthy boundaries throughout his recovery. His boundaries will change as he grows and changes however some boundaries, especially those directly related to protecting his sobriety, will be set in stone. Setting boundaries in recovery are necessary for a full and meaningful life of sobriety.

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Learning coping skills for recovery from drugs or alcohol will help a person handle life’s everyday stresses and events. Coping with life’s ups and downs is critical for long-term recovery. Not learning or strengthening copings skill for recovery makes it far too easy to turn back to destructive substances to cope with life.

Six Coping Skills for Recovery

Here are several different coping skills for recovery, along with tips on how to develop each skill.

1. Ask for Feedback: When it comes to identifying strong and weak coping skills for recovery, it can be hard to ask for and accept feedback from others. It’s hard for a person to look at himself objectively, so asking for feedback is an effective way to identify which positive coping skills one already has and which ones need to be learned or developed. Being open to others’ points of view and welcoming new information is a sign of emotional growth.
2. Improve Basic Communication: Necessary coping skills for recovery include clear communication. Good communication with others involves listening, speaking and using body language. The most casual, everyday communications are opportunities to practice communication skills. Some simple ways to improve communication immediately include:
   • Ask open-ended questions that keep the conversation flowing
   • Avoid making judgments and conclusions too quickly
   • Give the other person full attention
   • Refrain from interrupting others while they are speaking
   • Rephrase what the other person is saying
   • Set up ground rules before starting a sensitive discussion
3. Side-Step Cravings: It’s normal for cravings to occur during recovery. Cravings can be problematic for some people so coping skills for recovery must include learning to quickly side-step cravings so they do not lead to negative consequences. Here are some ways to improve on the skill of overcoming the impulses associated with cravings:
   • Add healthy activities into everyday routines
   • Identify and then avoid craving triggers
   • Reach out to understanding family, friends, a counselor, a mentor or other supportive people until the craving dissolves
   • Utilize positive self-talk and positive thinking to change negative thoughts
4. Reduce Life Stress and Anxiety: Life is naturally stressful. When a person does not have good coping skills in recovery, life is even more stressful. Finding ways to reduce stress and subsequent anxiety is a great way to strengthen coping skills. Here are some ways to reduce stress:
   • Avoid isolating by reaching out to members of one’s support system
   • Build physical activity, meditation, relaxation and quiet time into daily routines
   • Do not keep harmful secrets
   • Engage in activities that do not involve drugs or alcohol
   • Keep a balanced home, work and social life always paying attention to the body’s warning signals
   • Let go of things that cannot be controlled. Focus on what can be controlled
   • Set limits to avoid taking on too much
   • Stay organized with daily schedules and financial matters
   • Take action to overcome fears
5. Minimize Temptations: Temptations are everywhere, especially if old habits are still in place in one’s daily life. Temptations are like magnets to use again if a person does not have good coping skills in recovery. Temptations must be removed quickly and addressed clearly. Here are some ways to do that:
   • Find safe activities that can be put in place of risky activities
   • Identify, avoid or remove self from risky people, places and things
   • Make and rehearse a step-by-step plan or response for managing risky situations
6. Make Wise Decisions: It’s not just the big decisions one makes that matters, small decisions matter too. Small decisions make up most of our day. They are steps along a path of recovery. Making good decisions is a process and requires practice. Consistently making wise decisions as one of the coping skills of recovery gets easier and easier as time goes on and confidence in oneself builds. Here are some ways to make wise decisions:
   • Plan ahead
   • Take advice from other people who make good decisions
   • Think objectively
   • Think through the consequences, both negative and positive
   • Use common sense

Coping Skills Make the Difference

Without coping skills for recovery, sobriety is doomed. Making a list of the coping skills one already has, the skills that need to be developed and the skills that need to be acquired is a good start in acquiring the coping skills for recovery that lead to lasting sobriety. Taking steps to develop and acquire positive skills comes next. Being motivated and monitoring progress will lead to the ability to handle life’s stresses with more ease than ever before.

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A recovery coach is someone who provides support to a person who has or who is recovering from addictive behaviors. A recovery coach helps a person make responsible choices, engage in positive change and see how unhelpful, addictive behaviors affect or has affected the person’s life.

Tasks of a Recovery Coach

The tasks of a recovery coach are action-oriented and focus on helping a person achieve goals, identify and stick to one’s values, create plans of action and identify strengths that can be utilized in the person’s life. A recovery coach will help a person choose recovery or at least reduce the negative consequences related to active addiction.

A recovery coach usually encourages a person to be part of a 12-step or non-12 step support group. Finding resources that aid in stopping or reducing the effects of the addiction is another task a recovery coach will help a person with. A recovery coach can be something of a general “life coach” and provides an element of accountability for the person desiring to make changes.

A recovery coach might or might not have a clinical or other type of professional credential. If the coach does not have a clinical credential, the coach does not engage in any of the tasks associated with clinical treatment such as addressing the past and processing feelings.

Types of Coaches

For a person wishing to become or who already is a recovery coach there are many training programs, certification programs and resources available. Certification and training programs are becoming more and more numerous. A recovery coach will offer paid services or will be a volunteer.

There are different types of recovery coaches; they serve different support roles. Coaches vary in formality and services offered. A recovery coach might be utilized for short-term goals, such as traveling from one place to another without relapse. Or a recovery coach might offer long-term assistance to someone wishing to make positive life changes.

Some coaches specialize in coaching only one specific type of person such as a sex addict, compulsive gambler, cocaine addict, alcoholic, ex-prisoner, etc. Each type of recovery coach is referred to by a different title depending on the service the coach offers. Just a few examples of coaching niches and titles include:

• family recovery coach
• financial coach
• legal support specialist
• recovery support specialist
• personal recovery assistant
• sober companion
• sober escort
• telephone coach
• virtual coach

No matter what the title of a recovery coach, a coach helps a person become independent, make wise decisions, plan, take action, avoid or reduce relapse and gain access to valuable resources for building a better life and a stronger recovery.

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